Paladins, arise.

I am humbled. I have just received a serious lesson in the ways of a Paladin. If any of you know not of the movie ‘300’ then herein lies a trailer:

This has so many glorious Paladin moments that I cannot describe many because I am so overwhelmed. The tagline for the movie says ‘Prepare for Glory!’ and I thought I was, but I was struck dumb.

The basic plot (such as it is) is that Persia think they’re awesome. They send a messenger to Sparta to ask for allegiance. This offends Leonidas (the Spartan King and ultimate Paladin) and he says something like, ‘You threatenin’ me? ___ off ya clown!’ and slays the messenger. Then a massive army of Persians (a million or so) come to take Sparta and Leonidas decides to take 300 of the most ripped, elite Paladin warriors you’ve ever seen to defend against them.

A fantastic moment happened early on when he was giving a speech of some description (It’s difficult to understand him when he’s yelling, which he is 90% of the time). He had finished and some guy was so frickin pumped he just up and yelled something like, ‘we’re with you Leonidas! We’ll follow you to the end!!!’ which gives you a glimpse at how ridiculously epic some moments are. Most of the theatre had a chuckle at that but I was in stitches and had to seriously compose myself. I missed the next few minutes of movie because I was in such a state. I would see it again just to see that. 

The fight scenes are sublime. It is the epidomy of Paladin battle. Slow motion with Hans Zimmer – Gladiatorish soundtrack. Fluid movements, effortlessly dealing out death to opponents. I was in absolute awe.

It goes from him slaughtering people then all of a sudden it’s post-battle and they’re picking up bodies, he’s having a munch on an apple and chatting to the other lads. Paladin Paladin Paladin Paladin.

Be warned it’s rated R for ‘graphic battle sequences throughout, some sexuality and nudity’ so fun for the whole family there. If you don’t like or know what a Paladin is you’ll probably hate it but you Paladins out there should go see it right now.

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~ by Hooly on April 9, 2007.

17 Responses to “Paladins, arise.”

  1. How many times did I use the word Paladin in this blog? First one in gets a Freddo.

  2. 11 including the title, and not including your comment or count of responses. Now gimme a Freddo before I gut you.

  3. You may find these intresting.
    Do I get a Freddo for that?

  4. Robin, you’re wrong. You’re out of the running.

    Yes James, you will get a Freddo for that.

  5. I read the first 3 lines of this blog, stopped, arose from my seat, went straight to Readings (without blinking), bought a ticket to see ‘300,’ left the cinema and came home, and logged onto here.

    It was indeed worthy of your praise. I respect how bare they are, sword, shield, spear and heart.

    I don’t know if Paladins would kill their disfigured young though Jules. =|

  6. You added a fourth Paladin where it used to just say “Paladin, Paladin, Paladin”. I know your secrets.

  7. It wasn’t the Paladins who killed their disfigured young. It was those freak magi or priests or whoever they were but I do see your point Ed. At the start of the movie I was worried that they were kinda too evil to be Paladins but I was proved wrong later in the movie.

    I too respected the bareness in a totally non-gay way.

    Ed, you get a Freddo for going to see the movie based on the first 3 lines of this blog though.

    Robin, you insult my honour again and I will kill you.

  8. I have much to say about this movie but i hate this apple so much I am not going to bother typing the rest of this comment. I’ll do when I’m at the helm of a good computer.

  9. hooly i haven’t seen this movie yet.. i heard on the radio.. “HERE WE WILL FIGHT!.. HERE WE WILL DIE!” and straight away my ears picked up (as they usually do when i hear epic lines like that!) and i was like.. i’m going to see that! I haven’t yet seen it but i will! Its so EPIC.. and as you know i LOVE EPIC MOVIES! I might give old deano a call and see if he wants to see it with me. So Paladin! I will post you my thoughts after seeign it.

    On other matters.. i am goign to see Scared Weird Little Guys this Friday which i got tickets to see for my birthday. I’ll let ya know what it was like.

    To be continued..

  10. Well, I saw the movie without reading any of this blog. So does that beat Ed?

  11. Here’s an honest appraisal from me; very boring, over-violent, predictable, repetative.
    1.5/5 from me Margret.

    HOWEVER, it won points for visuals, which were cool, the (very well described by Jules) Hans Zimmerish soundtrack. And David Wenham’s weird accent; that is always an interesting oddity, and it certainly rose to the fore in this film. I didn’t know Faramir was a Spartan. Sort of changes the consequences of his role in LOTR a bit….

  12. ‘If you don’t like or know what a Paladin is you’ll probably hate it’

  13. I found it to be one of the best movies I’ve seen in a loooong time, there has been a lot of bilge out there for months, but this film was mighty!

    * UPCOMING SPOILER *

    I loved that Queen Gorgo took swift revenge on that ass-hole Theron. I felt so proud for her at that moment. I wanted to stand and start clapping. It wasn’t like she waited for Leonidas to come back and help her out, she took action into her own hands. Like a Paladin … if Paladins can be female. What are your thoughts, Hooly?

  14. Yes I agree, Suzy. Vengeance was swift indeed.

    *SPOILER*
    I also loved how ruthless she was at the start with that first messenger how she slags him off and then gives the nod for him to go off the edge. Like a Paladin, but not as she is a female.

  15. I wish I could aspire to be a Paladin one day.

    * Dejected Sigh *

    Do women get any Paladinness ever? What if thier father is a Paladin? What if they marry a Paladin? What if they have a son that becomes a Paladin? Is yo mama Paladin in any way? What about yo sistor? Is she Paladin in any way?

  16. Women Paladins have always been somewhat of a taboo topic amongst the council. I’ll ask them again on your behalf.

  17. Sincerest thanks, Hooly The Bold.

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