Blue Heelers

I used to watch Blue Heelers a lot in the earlier days, but kind of dropped off a bit somewhere along the line. This article is something I read in the Green Guide and put it on my old blog back in 2002. It highlights how ridiculous the show is if you look at the big picture. I made the image real bad quality because back then everyone was on dial-up, but I went too far and you can barely read it so I’ve typed it out again for y’all:

Mount Thomas, an idyllic town in rural Victoria – neat and tidy, great community spirit and home to a pub where everyone knows your name. Sounds like a nice place to live? Think again. Since Blue Heelers first went to air in 1994, Mount Thomas has endured the type of crime wave not seen since Detroit in the prohibition days.

Let’s take a look at some of Mount Thomas’ crime statistics. There are the typical country-town problems – assaults, accidents, stolen sheep. But what about the murder rate? Since we were first introduced to the Mount Thomas police, more than 50 residents and visitors have turned up dead with foul play suspected. This means, on average, someone gets killed in Mount Thomas every seven weeks. That’s not a statistic that is likely to attract tourists. In fact, murder is so common in Mount Thomas that your chances of being killed there are greater than the chance of you being merely assaulted. Only about 40 assaults have occurred since ’94.

Shootings seem to be the most common form of murder, and the hick farmers and hard-boiled criminals that frequent the area are deadly accurate. Only nine people who have been shot in Mount Thomas have survived, including Senior Sergeant Tom Croydon and Constable Jack Lawson (who ended up in a wheelchair as a result). But there are plenty of other dangers if you happen to be passing through town. The roads, for instance.

More than 20 fatal car and motorcycle accidents have occurred in the region, not to mention a fatal train accident and a bus crash that killed six people. Why hasn’t VicRoads taken action? It’s not even safe to fly over the town – it seems to drag planes out of the sky, with three crashes occurring in the vicinity in the past eight years.

Women and children aren’t safe either. Domestic violence is rife., and there have been eight cases of rape or sexual assault. There have been 15 kidnappings, about seven of which have resulted in sieges. Not even pets and livestock are safe – cows, horses and dogs have all been killed by disgruntled Mount Thomas residents. As if this wasn’t bad enough, robbery and theft are regular occurrences (the local bank has been robbed at least twice) and drug dealers frequent the area (10 busts).

The State Government recently reminded us that Victoria remains the state with the lowest crime rate in the country. So why is Mount Thomas such a dangerous place to live? It’s about time Chief Commissioner Christine Nixon investigated Senior Sergeant Croydon and his team. Particularly given that Croydon told the Green Guide in 1997:

“Everywhere you turn, there is an enormous level of violence, but I think people still think it would be great to be able to go down the street and leave their doors unlocked. People perceive Mount Thomas as being that sort of place.” But then again the Heelers have a good clean-up rate – almost all of the crimes have been solved. If only they could start working on crime prevention.

Craig Platt

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~ by Hooly on January 6, 2007.

9 Responses to “Blue Heelers”

  1. thats pretty funny, hooly. It sounds like they need some Paladins to drop by.

  2. The town slowly grew as the series went on, I wish they just kept it small and completely farcical. Much more entertaining!

  3. I remember the episode where Brandon Burns had a gun or a hand grenade or something, and Martin Sacks had to take him down to Chinatown.

    Ah-ha-ha. Brandon Burns. Ah-ha-ha-ha.

  4. That’s so weird, cause I’ve only seen one episode and it was the one with Brandon Burns, and I was about to write a blog about him yesterday, but decided that was a lame idea.

  5. As I was writing this article, that’s the image that kept going through my mind. When the cops were driving to the house and they see Brandon on the side of the ride jumping out from bushes with his pretend gun that was made out of his own fingers. Oh, how we riled him at school the following day!

  6. Geelong syndrome.

  7. I was driving behind a car the other day which had one of those “Vote for Brandon” Australian Idol stickers. Must have been him driving…

  8. The only thing I remember about that show was a retarded character who was accused of raping another retarded character.
    “I dexed her on da taybul” was the cry at school the following morning.

  9. i dont remember anything about brandon except that he played shuttlecock by himself against the grey wall at geelong high.

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